Some End-of-Year Thoughts

First I need to make clear that the boy in the photo is not me but an unknown child of the great Freddie Mercury. Obviously...

It is a curious thing, the twisting and turning of life’s path. Pensive and slightly troubled as a child, the wheels fell off my chariot in my latter teens and I came to the realisation that the academic promise of my early years was not going to be fulfilled or, at least, I thought that more study, at that point, was not going to work for me. There were, however, no contingency plans. At school it seemed obvious that photography, music or writing would be my career path - these were the things I had excelled at (and found refuge in) - but by the end of A level study I was lost. Encouraged out of the family home in this rudderless state by my old-school father (not out of spite, only from his own conditioning) I found myself working in a large and exceptionally complex government department, and in a very odd part of that. Career progression took me to Bath where I enjoyed the sights, the pubs, the lovely girls, the numerous photography opportunities and the company of an unorthodox set of friends, while still managing to feel essentially hollow. I was promoted early but, work-wise (and possibly socially), I was a round peg in a square hole.

Music had become an important part of my life and by 31 I'd attained a Royal College of Music diploma and resigned from government service to teach and play the trombone for a living (which worked well enough for 16 years but things were never comfortable post 'credit-crunch').

Shortly after that gear change I met the beautiful and talented woman who became my wife, philosophically for about 10 years, technically for 18. That marriage produced two very smart and, more importantly, very decent children of whom I am enormously proud; they’re my crowning achievement to be honest, and they made all the difficulty worthwhile.

By 2012 my wife had made her intention to walk quite clear but we held things together (and I had never strayed, which limited her ammunition, for want of a better expression) until I moved out in summer 2016. That was an extraordinarily difficult year for a multitude of reasons but I avoided any form of breakdown and now, four years later, solitary but blessed with many recently-made friends, I find myself sat here at 00:35, pondering the utter unpredictability of life. Since 2012 I have been a researcher/writer in a kind of ‘think tank’ and a headhunter (awful expression) and a semi-skilled engineering workshop technician, bizarrely. I’m now doing something else again. While doing all that I have also maintained my freelance activities of photography and music. And I’ve kept reading, thankfully.

I’m writing all this because I think it’s illustrative of the unpredictability I referred to. We all have to become good at coping with upheaval. Covid-19 has tipped many people’s lives upside down and for those who live alone it’s particularly challenging. I’m well, and grateful for that, but I wonder how many of you out there share a general sense that this maelstrom has more in store for us, especially more unforeseeable side effects, than we can dare to guess at.

Telling people things could be worse has always seemed a bit weak to me: I can’t remember what philosophers call that form of argument but, basically, it can run ad-infinitum (there’s always someone deeper in the shit than you) and end up undermining itself: “Don’t complain about the cold; think about those poor Inuit fishing through the ice....” or “Stop moaning about the heat; there are people struggling in the Namibian hinterland” and, 1915: “You think trench warfare is bad soldier? You should have been dodging cannonballs and struggling with the horses at Waterloo and with no morphine for the wounded”.

So, if I can say anything useful (I’m not claiming any of this is useful, I’m just alone and writing for myself) to those lucky enough to have most of their lives still ahead of them and, especially, my daughter’s peer group, I would say:

Be flexible, be willing to change course.

Read authoritative books/ journals and avoid the opposite like the plague. A quarter of the British public seem to be terrifyingly ignorant and a percentage of those compound that with stupidity. Don’t hang out with them.

Avoid the worst of reactionary thinking; yes it’s less cognitively heavy and hence simpler to slide into but we are social beings and those who give a shit have to maintain a state of constant resistance against the megalomaniacs of this world. Every freedom we cherish was won by rebellion of one sort or another. John LeCarre said that the English ruling class is populated with those who confuse threats to themselves with a threat to the nation "and have never wandered far enough to know the difference". So, remain vigilant and healthily sceptical.

Take exercise, paying particular attention to cardio-vascular-respiratory health. It’s your best defence against the viral menaces that lie ahead. My youngest brother is a paramedic and advises me that the deterioration in heart function caused by being sedentary is behind the death of numerous patients because a weak heart causes problems for the brain, liver, lungs and kidneys.

Avoid automatic deference: Yes, be polite but remember that respect is a two-way street and that you don't 'owe' anyone respect unless they've treated you accordingly.

Don't buy anything for yourself that you don't need. Less is better. In fact it can be bloody marvellous. Your unused possessions are a millstone. Everything is categorisable as an ornament or a tool. If it's an unused tool or an ornament that's out of sight, give it to someone who'll use it.

Question everything you hear and be willing to really scrutinise statements that you don’t think stand up. Critical thinking is more important now than ever.

Here's to a better 2021!

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